Scripture Focus: “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” (James 3:16)
I came across a thought recently that stopped me for a moment: If pride and selfishness were laid aside, five minutes would remove most difficulties.
Five minutes.
At first that sounds almost too simple. Some disagreements have been simmering for days, months, even years. Surely something that complicated could not be untangled in five minutes.
But then I began thinking about what happens in the first five minutes of a conflict.
A careless word is spoken. Someone misunderstands. Feelings are hurt. Two people see the same situation differently. None of that necessarily has to become a lasting conflict. The real trouble often begins with what happens next.
Pride enters the room.
Now I need to defend myself. I need you to understand why I was right. I begin listening for weaknesses in your explanation instead of trying to understand it. Then selfishness joins in, keeping careful account of what I deserve, what you failed to do, and what you now owe me.
And suddenly a relatively small difficulty has something to feed on.
That may be the real wisdom behind those five minutes. If pride and selfishness were taken out of the room at the beginning, there would be very little for resentment to build upon. No rehearsing the offense. No keeping score. No gathering evidence for the next round. No quiet little grudge being carried into tomorrow.
The wound might still need a little attention, but it would not be continually reopened.
James writes, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” Once self takes the center, even small matters become tangled. Motives are questioned. Words are interpreted in the worst possible light. Eventually we can find ourselves arguing about things that were never part of the original disagreement at all.
Jesus gave us a striking picture of this inward problem in the two men who went to the temple to pray. The Pharisee thanked God that he was “not as other men are,” even singling out the publican standing nearby (Luke 18:11). The publican, meanwhile, stood afar off, would not even lift his eyes toward heaven, and smote upon his breast. His prayer was simply, “God be merciful to me a sinner” (Luke 18:13).
What strikes me is where each man was looking.
The Pharisee was looking sideways. He could see another man’s condition quite clearly while remaining strangely blind to his own. The publican wasn’t looking at the man beside him at all. He saw himself in the light of God, and there was no room left for comparison—only his need of mercy.
And isn’t looking sideways often what happens in conflict?
What did you say? What did you do? Why haven’t you apologized? Why should I be the one to give in?
Humility asks a very different question: Lord, what is there in me that You need to change?
James describes the wisdom from above as “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated” (James 3:17).
Easy to be intreated.
Godly wisdom makes us approachable. Teachable. Willing to listen. Willing to be corrected. It leaves room for the possibility that I misunderstood, overreacted, spoke carelessly, or simply need to extend the same mercy I am continually asking God to extend to me.
And that is where the five minutes matter most.
Not five minutes after resentment has had six months to put down roots.
The first five minutes.
Five minutes to stop preparing my defense and actually listen. Five minutes to refuse to keep score. Five minutes to ask, Is there something here I need to own? Five minutes to say, “I misunderstood you,” “I was wrong,” “I should not have said that,” or simply, “Help me understand.”
There will always be difficulties that require time, prayer, and healing. But some of the knots we keep asking God to untangle might never become knots at all if pride and selfishness were laid aside before we started pulling the strings tighter.
Sometimes peace does not begin when the other person finally sees things our way.
Sometimes it begins in those first few minutes, when there has not yet been time for resentment to settle in, for pride to build its defense, or for selfishness to start keeping score. It begins when, instead of looking sideways at what the other person needs to change, we look honestly at ourselves before God and pray:
“God be merciful to me a sinner.”
Five minutes spent there could keep a difficulty from becoming a conflict at all.
If this Fireside Chat warmed your spirit and sparked fresh resolve to live what you believe, fan that flame with Scripture—“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly” (Colossians 3:16). Pull a little closer to the Light, and carry it into the week ahead.
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