The Wisdom of Unspoken Words

I’ve come to believe there’s a special kind of wisdom found not only in the words we choose, but also in the words we deliberately leave unspoken—and in recognizing the moment when enough has already been said.

Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Most of us can recall something we said and wish we could take back. It’s both amazing and heartbreaking how quickly a few careless words can undo years of trust we worked so hard to earn. James wasn’t exaggerating when he wrote, “…the tongue is a fire” (James 3:6). Once words leave our lips, they often travel farther than we ever intended—and unlike an email, there’s no “Recall” button.

Franklin understood that the real battle isn’t usually finding the right words. It’s knowing when enough has already been said.

Have you ever noticed that when we’re convinced we’re right, we suddenly have so much more to say? We explain, then clarify the explanation, then explain why we clarified the explanation. Before long, we’re no longer sure whether we’re trying to convince the other person—or ourselves—that we’re right. Somewhere around sentence number twelve we’ve stopped building a bridge and started digging a hole. I’ve discovered that very few conversations have ever been improved by my fifteenth sentence. Yes, I can be a slow learner at times.

Solomon must have smiled knowingly when he wrote, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin” (Proverbs 10:19). That’s an interesting verse because it doesn’t merely warn us about wrong words. It warns us about too many words. The longer we keep talking, the greater the temptation to exaggerate, defend ourselves, assign motives, revisit old wounds, or say something that would have been far better left unsaid.

Another proverb caught my attention: “He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit” (Proverbs 17:27). Notice that Solomon doesn’t simply say a wise person speaks wisely. He says a wise person spares his words. Apparently, wisdom isn’t measured only by what comes out of our mouths. Sometimes it’s measured by what never leaves them.

Jesus modeled this perfectly. Standing before His accusers, He possessed the answer to every false charge, yet Isaiah says, “He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth” (Isaiah 53:7). His silence wasn’t weakness, nor was it surrender to His enemies. It was surrender to His Father. He understood that not every accusation deserved an answer and not every misunderstanding required an explanation.

I think one of the Holy Spirit’s quietest ministries is teaching us when the conversation is over. There have been times I was absolutely convinced one more sentence would fix everything. Looking back, I can see it would have accomplished little more than satisfying my emotions. Time has a remarkable way of exposing the difference.

Some of the words I’m most grateful for aren’t the ones I carefully chose.

They’re the ones Christ quietly persuaded me not to say.

And some of the conversations I’m most thankful for aren’t the ones I won.

They’re the ones I had enough wisdom to end before I lost more than the argument.

If this Fireside Chat warmed your spirit and sparked fresh resolve to live what you believe, fan that flame with Scripture—“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly” (Colossians 3:16). Pull a little closer to the Light, and carry it into the week ahead.

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